


in my dreams, you are touching my face

by leftoveramericano



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, HQSwiftWeek2020, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Time Skip, Ushijima Wakatoshi-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftoveramericano/pseuds/leftoveramericano
Summary: Looking back, Ushijima was certain that at one point Iwaizumi would anathematise him for never missing a beat when it came to belittling him albeit the subtle to none action had ever taken place over his teenage youth that was like forever ago. Ushijima deserves it, he thinks — he believes, and he actually craves for it because he needs leverage and salvation of the newborn infatuation directed towards Iwaizumi. It's complex, unknown, and almost forbidden.It takes one reunion, a number of short trips, and collective goal for Ushijima to realise what he has for Iwaizumi has gone beyond sheer reconciliation.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	in my dreams, you are touching my face

**Author's Note:**

> Here comes my first entry for #HQSwiftWeek2020 which I only found out about literally yesterday, but excitement really got the best in me that the idea just almost immediately rushed in, hence here it is. Title is excerpt from Taylor Swift's "I Almost Do" which is also the very song that helped bringing this fic into the existence.

_"Is this even possible?"_

Iwaizumi gasps and Ushijima can feel his heart leaps because that's the carbon copy of his very own fleeting thought as his eyes caught the figure he'd never seen after two Summers had passed. _I used to overlook him._ Iwaizumi takes one step forward and starts laying out his plans as if Ushijima were simply his long lost ally. _He was the ace caulking his doubts and inferiority with every trusting remark from his past teammates._ Ushijima broke the news to Iwaizumi that his aspired interim employer is, in fact, his father, and Ushijima was elated to have witnessed the way Iwaizumi's eyes lighten up — setting his stomach in unsettling way, yet also pleasant. And warm. Very much uncalled for, but appreciated. _The one who didn't beg for clemency and instead having his needed by the sole opponent I thought there ever was through the naivety of my tunnel vision_. Iwaizumi carries on the conversation with the mention of Oikawa Tooru whom Ushijima once believed to be the only opposing individual that ever mattered from Kitagawa Daiichi and Aoba Johsai respectively, and of course he was utterly wrong. _How was I even capable of shutting my eyes on him?_

"The world is so strong and vast, after all. I was pretty much a contemptuous brat from my younger days for even believing amidst just within split second that I had it in my grip." Ushijima chuckles as his eyes are stuck on the ground. _I apologise for my foolish misjudgement._ "I am still an inconsequential sprout in this wider sphere of volleyball."

Ushijima looks up and he finds Iwaizumi already smiling contentedly at him. "But still, as a past opponent who had never stood a chance against you throughout my entire youthful teenage life, it's irritating to hear the indication of you being trifling athlete in this field. You are still young, and this realisation isn't meant to put you down but to push you to aim even higher stage." _Tell me how did I miss out such paragon I had the opportunity of knowing for six straight years?_

The next thing Ushijima realises is Iwaizumi asking him to take picture together, and he can feel his breath is abruptly hitched at the throat. Ushijima knows better that the main reason of such request is none other than to antagonise the recipient currently settling down in the neighbouring side of the continent, but nevertheless he agrees. It's nothing harmful since Iwaizumi seems happy, though Ushijima is aware of the fact that it isn't entirely because of his sole presence included onto their unexpected encounter, but simply because he reminded Iwaizumi of Oikawa — his past nemesis, Iwaizumi's lifelong partner.

Ushijima ends up wondering if it is alright to harbour even just the most minuscule hope that Iwaizumi also has personal intention to retain their portrait as a keepsake out of his own contentment, but he doesn't dare himself to keep wallowing over it let alone actually uttering such nonsensical curiosity to Iwaizumi as he cannot afford another silent goodbye between them. He believes that it's primarily because he wants to atone himself for every hint of condescending opinion he had of Iwaizumi, especially after having witnessed how much of a very charming man Iwaizumi Hajime is. Ushijima would like to think that the universe reunited them in a far off land to imply the undertone agenda of reestablishing their relations. _I want to start anew._

**—**

Ushijima comes to terms with his own biased judgement that Iwaizumi has grown maturely and beautifully in a way that it tugs his heart constantly as much as it also does tighten in a way that each press constitutes stupefaction. Looking back, Ushijima was certain that at one point Iwaizumi would anathematise him for never missing a beat when it came to belittling him albeit the subtle to none action had ever taken place over his teenage youth that was like forever ago. Ushijima deserves it, he thinks — he believes, and he actually craves for it because he needs leverage and salvation of the newborn infatuation directed towards Iwaizumi. It's complex, unknown, and almost forbidden. 

But at the same time it's hopeful, inevitable, and serene. It was when Iwaizumi would call him to tag along during his free time over the course of his stay in the states, from mindless stroll in the sprawling and touristic shopping area to scenic coastal getaway which offered them calming tranquility. Or at least that's how Ushijima attempted to decipher every escapism Iwaizumi had presented him with. His father hinted him once how much the creases around his forehead have somehow softened, along with the twitched tugs at both ends of his lips which seem to have become permanent. Ushijima would smile after hearing such remark, but never does he once ever deny any of it.

Every so often in the middle of their short trip, though, Ushijima would always will the ignorance to be shown on his face when Iwaizumi received a certain phone call which he would always greet with, "Hey, Tooru." out of years-long habit. The one Ushijima would never have the privilege or at least trial to experience how it would make him feel to have Iwaizumi gleam and jovial simply from hearing his voice alone. _It would be nice if he would start calling me Wakatoshi instead of Ushiwaka._ One time Ushijima did really manage to tug at the hem of Iwaizumi's shirt from where he was following suit, silently pleading his entire given name to be mouthed out, but he couldn't bring himself to form it into words as soon as familiar and customised ringtone deafening the short quietude between them. He really almost did, though. 

—

Another eight Summers passed and Iwaizumi is now his professional athletic trainer, albeit not entirely his. Never was even on a completely different context. The inevitable proximity almost looks like it goes in accordance with Ushijima's repressed emotions gradually rioting to break free; almost like if the content of Pandora's box is ever spilled and he doesn't just have himself but certain people to swallow the misfortune that it brings — that he could bring if he ever did, which in most of the times he almost does. Ushijima regrets for even harbouring this sentimental fondness deeply, especially when he sees Iwaizumi brimming in 'minus magnitude light' which metaphor he learned from the trainer himself, while Iwaizumi learned the cosmic reference from his Tooru.

Again and again, Ushijima has realised that his past nemesis — currently standing firm as he flaunts the foreign and sacred blue jersey with number 13 imprinted on it as if mocking him that the same colour still does haunt him after ten years have gone by almost in a blink — is still his nemesis, and will always remain as such regardless of how many sets Ushijima and his team have conquered against them. Ushijima embeds this as he, again, notices the way Hajime and Tooru still shine the brightest amidst being continents apart, having opposing stance in citizenship, and shifting lingual custom.

Ushijima closes his eyes and there is Iwaizumi. The Iwaizumi whom he calls 'Hajime' and addresses him as 'Wakatoshi' — who reaches out to him and caresses his face ever so tenderly Ushijima cannot help but to confess, and Iwaizumi nods as he tackles him in a hug. He asks Ushijima whether he could hear it again, and Ushijima is willing to say it as many times as Iwaizumi needs such reassurance known. _I wish I could savour and claim this particular piece of reality without any missing exception._

Ushijima opens his eyes and he doesn't see a solar system, but binary star consisting of two stars orbiting each other. On the other hand, Ushijima is solely on and of his own system which doesn't even align with theirs, and it takes everything within him not to call out the deities how badly he wants to compromise that one star. And in every waking time, Ushijima almost does grip the familiar back that seems to be sitting on the universe's edge, but every time as well, he doesn't. _Yet when I close my eyes, I still see you in my embrace._

But the thing is, Iwaizumi was never once within his grip. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this and please let me know your thoughts! Also don't hesitate to hmu [here](https://twitter.com/lftovramericano).


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